please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
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