You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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