she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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