Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
