So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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