If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I just found puke in my bra..
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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