Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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