i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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