my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
My dick has a subreddit
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
