Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
