Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
