i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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