Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
