Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
