i barfeds in our rink
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
