we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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