The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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