absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
