you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize
