I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
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Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize