Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
