How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
