Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
you're hired as official boob wrangler
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize