9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
