Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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