He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
i out mim tonsoeep
The air taste purple.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
