I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
