that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
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