He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I have feelings that need drinking.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Randomize
