i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
