I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
