i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
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after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
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We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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