I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
