i jhust puked up my retainher.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
