he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
