Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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