the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
