nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
