she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
