No stitches, just platelets and will power
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
