hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
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