Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
