In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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