too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
