I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
