But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
