I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I don't deserve a penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
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