From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
