): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
