i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
you win again, gameday.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt