So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
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I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
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I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.