"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
You Will Never Meet Anyone More Annoying Than These 23 People
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
These 23 People Prove You Don’t Have To Be A 10 To Be Good In Bed
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration