"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
