Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.