when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually