I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
