we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
