So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Randomize