Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
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Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Blood and glitter go together right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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