somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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