Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
