he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
