Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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