Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
