I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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