Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
