I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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