You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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