There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
