Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
