Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
