bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
