his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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