I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize